Wordy Sentences

A wordy sentence contains too many words than you really need. The extra words do not make your writing sound better and, in fact, they can even interfere with your message. Look at the examples below.

Wordy: Viseth, who is an accountant, has been promoted.
Revised: Viseth, an accountant, has been promoted. [The clause 'who is an accountant' could be simply replaced by an appositive 'an accountant'.]

Wordy: The company is taking applications at this point in time.
Revised: The company is taking applications now. [The phrase 'at this point in time' could be simply replaced by a word 'now'.]

AVOIDING WORDINESS

Avoiding wordiness makes your sentences varied and sound more fluent. To do so, you may use one of the following methods:

[1] Remove unnecessarily repeated ideas or words. 

Wordy: The teacher decided to give extra work to his students. The main reasons of giving extra work to his students  was that students were so dependent on their teachers.
Revised: The teacher decided to give extra work to his students because they were so dependent on their teachers.

[2] Take out words that are already implied by other words in the same sentence.

Wordy: The round yellow sun shone brightly among the clouds in the sky. [The sun is understood to be round; the clouds too is understood to be in the sky.]
Revised: The sun shone brightly among the clouds.

[3] Replace wordy phrases with single words.

Wordy: It is hard to find a good job at the present time.
Revised: It is hard to find a good job now.

Wordy: Mary dropped her school due to the fact that she was poor.
Revised: Mary dropped her school because she was poor.

[4] Simplify your sentence structures.

Wordy: Kra-nhoung, which is a rare wood, is being logged and illegally traded.
Revised: Kra-nhoung, a rare wood, is being logged and illegally traded.

Wordy: He wears a watch which is made of gold.
Revised: He wears a gold watch.

[5] Remove or reword expletives (there is, there are, it is) and similar expressions which refer to nothing in particular.

Wordy: There are many factors causing poverty.
Revised: Many factors cause poverty.

Wordy: It is not known that my boss will decide to choose a new supplier.
Revised: My boss' decision to choose a new supplier is unknown.

[6] Limit or avoid phrases describing your attitudes and writing strategies.

Wordy: It seems to me that teachers should allow students to skip class.
Revised: Teachers should allow students to skip class.

Wordy: The purpose of this paper is to inform you of my opinion that all students need to study harder.
Revised: All students need to study harder.